Need Dating Advice? Ask Your Abuelita
Couple embracing (© Quavondo/Getty Images)
“La suerte de las feas las lindas la desean,” I hear my mom’s voice echo in the back of my mind.
Naturally she thinks I'm beautiful, I'm her daughter. And while I’m a hopeless romantic and would love to believe that luck is the determining factor when it comes to successful dating, the reality is that it’s all about how we play the game.
While mom’s words on luck may be a little off, they are meant to offer comforting reassurance in between dating mishaps - which happen more often than I’d care to admit. The good news, as I have discovered is that I’m not alone.
I continue to meet many talented, beautiful, and caring women who are experiencing similar frustrations. In sharing our stories, I’ve noted patterns in our “modern day” behaviors that leave us broken hearted including our impulsiveness to want immediate results.
Obviously something isn’t working. Maybe it’s time to go back to the basics and take a note from “mamá” and “abuelita” on the unwritten rules of the dating game.
Let him lead!
This not only holds true in dancing, but in love. Men are by nature hunters and they are excited by the chase. The old adage that “anything worth having is worth fighting for” is spot on. When you work hard towards obtaining something, you value it much more and want to take care of it. We all can relate to this, whether it’s fighting for career growth or saving up to purchase a dream, so it’s understandable.
Enjoy the journey and try not to be overly eager and rush the process because you have a hidden agenda. The anxiety of not knowing what will come next is an adrenaline rush for him fueling his anticipation to see you again. You can take a closer look at this rule in an excerpt of Maria Marin’s new book, “Si Soy Tan Buena, Por Que Estoy Soltera.”
Don’t buy the cow, when the milk is free
We’ve all heard this before, but many of us brush this rule aside convincing ourselves that we are the exception. We tell ourselves, “I’m different than the other girls and in time he will see.” News flash, as harsh as this may sound, that time may never come if you shack up too soon.
Don’t just take my word, abuelitas, or mamás on this one. In his book “Think Like a Man, Act like a Lady” Steve Harvey shares that even a man who sees potential may become disinterested because it’s become too easy. He recommends a 90-day rule. If he is really into you he will wait. It’s a good method to weed out the unworthy. See it for your own eyes here in a very interesting interview.
Don’t buy the cow, when the milk is free
No, you’re not seeing double, this rule is on here twice because in our modern day society it is twofold as it also applies to cohabitation. There are mixed views on the pros and cons. I admit I think cohabitation can work, but you need to set clear expectations upfront. A great read in the New York Times by clinical psychologist, Meg Jay, takes a look at the “Cohabitation Effect.”
If he's not willing to invest then it’s time to say adios!
Ladies, I'm not talking money here. The biggest investment anyone can make is their time. If your only form of communication is a text, this is a red flag. Take heed. It may mean you’re not the only one or that you’re not a priority. Picking up the phone to talk (even a quick hello) or inviting you out regularly shows interest, because we know actions speak louder than words.
La indiferencia mata - Have other interests!
By no means am I suggesting to ignore your object of desire, but don’t make him the center of your universe. Balance is key because even a good thing can get old. Many women lose themselves in the potential of a relationship and find it difficult to pick up the pieces when it doesn’t work out. I’ve polled a few of my male friends and they shared that what attracts that great guy in the first place is your spirit of independence, confidence, and interests. So, it’s okay to have other plans.
What other unwritten rules of dating have “mamá” and “abuelita” shared with you?